A woman was worried whether or not her dead husband made it to heaven, so she decided to try to contact his spirit by having a séance.
Sure enough, after the usual mumbo-jumbo of calling to the spirits, her husband's voice was heard answering, "Hello Margaret, this is meeee ..."
"Fred," she answered, "I just need to know if you're happy there in the afterlife. What's it like there?"
"Ooooh, it's much more beautiful here than I ever imagined," Fred answered, "The sky is bluer, the air is cleaner, and the pastures are much more lush and green than I ever expected. And the only thing we do, all day long , are eat and sleep, eat and sleep, over and over."
"Thank God, you made it to heaven," his wife cried.
"Heaven?" he answered. "What heaven? I'm a buffalo in Montana."
Showing posts with label Death. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Death. Show all posts
Joke # 67 - Smoke Alarm
At her father's wake, a woman told her priest that ever since she was a child, she and her dad had discussed life after death. They had agreed that whoever went first would contact the other. He died in her home, and a few days after his death the smoke alarm in her garage went off. She had lived there 28 years and it had never gone off before. She couldn't turn it off so had to call the security company that installed it.
The next morning it went off again and she figured it out - "Ok dad, I missed your signal yesterday, but I get it now!" she said, "Thanks for letting me know that you are safe on the other side. Now turn the thing off so I don't have to call the security company again."
The alarm immediately stopped and she called the priest to tell him of the good news. He replied, "Dear lady, if every time your father sends you a message, it sets off the smoke alarm, just where do you think he's calling from?"
The next morning it went off again and she figured it out - "Ok dad, I missed your signal yesterday, but I get it now!" she said, "Thanks for letting me know that you are safe on the other side. Now turn the thing off so I don't have to call the security company again."
The alarm immediately stopped and she called the priest to tell him of the good news. He replied, "Dear lady, if every time your father sends you a message, it sets off the smoke alarm, just where do you think he's calling from?"
Joke # 60 - Rest in Peace
A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card. It said, "Rest in peace."
The owner was angry and called the florist to complain.
After he told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist said, "Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry you should imagine this: somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, 'Congratulations on your new location.'"
The owner was angry and called the florist to complain.
After he told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist said, "Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry you should imagine this: somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, 'Congratulations on your new location.'"
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