A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW.
"Officer, look at what they've done to my Beeeemer!" he whined.
"You lawyers are so materialistic. You make me sick!" retorted the officer. "You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that your arm was ripped off!"
"Oh my god ... ", replied the lawyer, finally noticing his bloody left shoulder where his arm once was. "Where's my Rolex?"
Showing posts with label Money. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Money. Show all posts
Joke # 131 - My Kind of Writer
A visitor to certain college paused to admire the new Hemingway Hall that had been built on campus.
"It's a pleasure to see a building named for Ernest Hemingway," he said.
"Actually," said his guide, "It's named for Joshua Hemingway. No relation."
The visitor was astonished. "Was Joshua Hemingway a writer also?"
"Yes, indeed," said his guide. "He wrote a check."
"It's a pleasure to see a building named for Ernest Hemingway," he said.
"Actually," said his guide, "It's named for Joshua Hemingway. No relation."
The visitor was astonished. "Was Joshua Hemingway a writer also?"
"Yes, indeed," said his guide. "He wrote a check."
Joke # 109 - Dental Philosophy
Dentist: "Try to relax. I'll pull that aching tooth in five minutes."
Patient: "How much will that cost?"
Dentist: "It'll be $100."
Patient: "That much for just five minutes of work?"
Dentist: "Well, if you prefer, I can pull it out very slowly."
Patient: "How much will that cost?"
Dentist: "It'll be $100."
Patient: "That much for just five minutes of work?"
Dentist: "Well, if you prefer, I can pull it out very slowly."
Joke # 99 - The Shoplifter
While in a very exclusive jewelry store, the shoplifter was
caught attempting to steal a watch.
"Look," said the shoplifter, "Neither of us
want any trouble. How about I just buy the watch and we can forget all about
this?"
Agreeing, the manager made up a sales slip. The shoplifter
looked at the slip and said, "Actually, this is a little more than I had
intended to spend. Could you show me something a little less expensive?"
Joke # 9 - Take the Bill
A one dollar bill met a 20 dollar bill and said, "Hey, where've you been? I haven't seen you around here much."
The twenty answered, "I've been hanging out at the casinos, went on a cruise and did the rounds of the ship, back to the United States for a while, went to a couple of baseball games, to the mall, that kind of stuff."
Twenty then asked the one dollar bill, "How are you?"
The one dollar bill said, "You know, same old stuff. Church, grocery store, church, grocery store, church ..."
The twenty answered, "I've been hanging out at the casinos, went on a cruise and did the rounds of the ship, back to the United States for a while, went to a couple of baseball games, to the mall, that kind of stuff."
Twenty then asked the one dollar bill, "How are you?"
The one dollar bill said, "You know, same old stuff. Church, grocery store, church, grocery store, church ..."
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