A pipe burst in a doctor's house. He called a plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious plumber-type things for a while, and handed the doctor a bill for $600.
The doctor exclaimed, "This is ridiculous! I don't even make that much as a doctor!"
The plumber waited for him to finish and quietly said, "Neither did I when I was a doctor."
Showing posts with label Doctor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Doctor. Show all posts
Joke # 150 - Time Left
A man hasn't been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. Afterward the doctor comes out with the results.
'I'm afraid I have some very bad news," the doctor says, "You're dying, and you don't have much time left."
"Oh, that's terrible!" says the man, "How long do I have?"
"Ten," the doctor says sadly.
"Ten?" the man asks. "Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?"
Doctor looks at his watch and says, "Nine ... eight ..."
'I'm afraid I have some very bad news," the doctor says, "You're dying, and you don't have much time left."
"Oh, that's terrible!" says the man, "How long do I have?"
"Ten," the doctor says sadly.
"Ten?" the man asks. "Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?"
Doctor looks at his watch and says, "Nine ... eight ..."
Joke # 136 - Stewed Tomatoes
A guy is going on an ocean cruise, and he tells his doctor that he's worried about getting seasick.
The doctor suggests, "Eat two pounds of stewed tomatoes before you leave the dock."
The guy replies, "Would that keep me from getting sick, Doc?"
The doctor replied, "No, but it'll look really pretty in the water."
The doctor suggests, "Eat two pounds of stewed tomatoes before you leave the dock."
The guy replies, "Would that keep me from getting sick, Doc?"
The doctor replied, "No, but it'll look really pretty in the water."
Joke # 135 - Frustrated Golfers
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude."
The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."
"Hi George, Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group was silent for a moment.
The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys just play at night?"
The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude."
The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."
"Hi George, Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group was silent for a moment.
The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys just play at night?"
Joke # 111 - Live to be a Hundred
A man asked his doctor if he thought he'd live to be a hundred.
The doctor asked the man, "Do you smoke or drink?"
"No," he replied, "I've never done either."
"Do you gamble, drive fast cars or fool around with women?" inquired the doctor.
"No, I've never done any of those things either."
"Well then," said the doctor, "what do you want to live to be a hundred for?"
The doctor asked the man, "Do you smoke or drink?"
"No," he replied, "I've never done either."
"Do you gamble, drive fast cars or fool around with women?" inquired the doctor.
"No, I've never done any of those things either."
"Well then," said the doctor, "what do you want to live to be a hundred for?"
Joke # 109 - Dental Philosophy
Dentist: "Try to relax. I'll pull that aching tooth in five minutes."
Patient: "How much will that cost?"
Dentist: "It'll be $100."
Patient: "That much for just five minutes of work?"
Dentist: "Well, if you prefer, I can pull it out very slowly."
Patient: "How much will that cost?"
Dentist: "It'll be $100."
Patient: "That much for just five minutes of work?"
Dentist: "Well, if you prefer, I can pull it out very slowly."
Joke # 72 - Pills
Doctor: "Take the green pill with a glass of water when you get up. Take the blue pill with a glass of water in the afternoon. Take the red pill with another glass of water before going to bed."
Patient: "Exactly what's my problem, doc?"
Doctor: "You don't drink enough water."
Patient: "Exactly what's my problem, doc?"
Doctor: "You don't drink enough water."
Joke # 59 - Under Pressure
Patient: "Doctor, you gotta help me. I'm under a lot of stress. I keep losing my temper with people."
Doctor: "Tell me about your problem."
Patient: "I just did, you idiot!"
Doctor: "Tell me about your problem."
Patient: "I just did, you idiot!"
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