A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." Well, the lady is furious! She stormed past the store to her work.
On the way home she saw the same parrot and it said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly."
The lady was so ticked, she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird. The store manager apologized profusely and promised he would make sure the parrot didn't say it again.
When the lady walked past the store the following morning, the parrot called to her, "Hey lady."
She paused and said, "What?"
The bird said with a smile on her face, "You know 'what?'".
Showing posts with label Birds. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Birds. Show all posts
Joke # 144 - Visiting Penguins
A man drives to a gas station and has his tank filled up. The attendant spots two penguins sitting in the back seat of the car.
He asks the driver, "What's up with the penguins in the back seat?"
The man in the car says, "I found them. I asked myself what to do with them, but I haven't had a clue."
The clerk ponders a bit then says, "You should take them to the zoo."
"Hey, that's a good idea," says the man and drives away.
The next day the man in the car is back at the same gas station. The clerk sees the penguins are still in the back seat of the car.
"Hey, I thought you were going to take them to the zoo."
"Oh, I did," says the driver, "And we had a swell time. Today I am taking them to the beach."
He asks the driver, "What's up with the penguins in the back seat?"
The man in the car says, "I found them. I asked myself what to do with them, but I haven't had a clue."
The clerk ponders a bit then says, "You should take them to the zoo."
"Hey, that's a good idea," says the man and drives away.
The next day the man in the car is back at the same gas station. The clerk sees the penguins are still in the back seat of the car.
"Hey, I thought you were going to take them to the zoo."
"Oh, I did," says the driver, "And we had a swell time. Today I am taking them to the beach."
Joke # 97 - Jimmy's Birthday Gift
Jimmy received a parrot for his birthday. The part was fully grown, with a very bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was a swear word; those that weren't cursing were very rude.
Jimmy tried to change the bird's attitude by constantly saying polite words, playing soft music - anything he could think of. Nothing worked.
He then tried yelling at the bird, but the bird got worse. He shook the bird, and the bird got madder and ruder.
Finally, in a moment of desperation, Jimmy put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments, he heard the bird swearing, and then, suddenly, there was absolute quiet.
Jimmy was frightened that he might have actually hurt the bird, and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto Jimmy's extended arm and said, "I'm sorry that I offended you with my language and my actions, and I ask your forgiveness. I will endeavor to correct my behavior."
Jimmy was astounded at the changes in the bird's attitude and was about to ask what had changed him, when the parrot continued, "May I ask what the Chicken did?"
Jimmy tried to change the bird's attitude by constantly saying polite words, playing soft music - anything he could think of. Nothing worked.
He then tried yelling at the bird, but the bird got worse. He shook the bird, and the bird got madder and ruder.
Finally, in a moment of desperation, Jimmy put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments, he heard the bird swearing, and then, suddenly, there was absolute quiet.
Jimmy was frightened that he might have actually hurt the bird, and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto Jimmy's extended arm and said, "I'm sorry that I offended you with my language and my actions, and I ask your forgiveness. I will endeavor to correct my behavior."
Jimmy was astounded at the changes in the bird's attitude and was about to ask what had changed him, when the parrot continued, "May I ask what the Chicken did?"
Joke # 41 - Duck Picnic
Two ducks decide to go camping. So they packed 2 picnic baskets, one with sandwiches and one with bottles of beer. They began walking. Hours and hours pass before they finally get to a spot they would enjoy camping at.
After settling down, they realize they had forgotten the bottle opener for the beer. The first duck says, "Why don't you go back and get it and I'll stay here." The second duck responds, "No way! I'll go back and get it and when I get back you'll have eaten all the sandwiches." The first duck replies, "I promise I won't touch them."
So the second duck agrees and goes on his way. A day passes, then 2 then 5. After the 6th day, the first duck was hungry so he decided to eat a sandwich. He opened the basket and began to eat a sandwich when the second duck pops his head up behind a rock and says, "I knew it! I'm not freakin' goin'!!!"
After settling down, they realize they had forgotten the bottle opener for the beer. The first duck says, "Why don't you go back and get it and I'll stay here." The second duck responds, "No way! I'll go back and get it and when I get back you'll have eaten all the sandwiches." The first duck replies, "I promise I won't touch them."
So the second duck agrees and goes on his way. A day passes, then 2 then 5. After the 6th day, the first duck was hungry so he decided to eat a sandwich. He opened the basket and began to eat a sandwich when the second duck pops his head up behind a rock and says, "I knew it! I'm not freakin' goin'!!!"
Joke # 40 - Precocious Parrots
A man goes into a pet store looking for a parrot. Upon entering the store he sees a bird with a price tag of one thousand dollars. He asks the shopkeeper why this bird is so expensive and the owner replied that the bird could run a computer. Well, that IS a good deal if he can run a computer.
The guy looks around the store and sees another bird and the price tag on this one is two thousand dollars. The man asks the owner why this bird is so expensive. The owner replies that this bird is so expensive because the bird can not only run a computer but also fix a computer.
Well that is also a pretty good deal thought the man. Then the man sees a third bird that is priced at three thousand dollars. So he asks the owner why this bird is so expensive. Well, the owner replies, "I've never actually seen this bird do anything, but the other two call him boss."
The guy looks around the store and sees another bird and the price tag on this one is two thousand dollars. The man asks the owner why this bird is so expensive. The owner replies that this bird is so expensive because the bird can not only run a computer but also fix a computer.
Well that is also a pretty good deal thought the man. Then the man sees a third bird that is priced at three thousand dollars. So he asks the owner why this bird is so expensive. Well, the owner replies, "I've never actually seen this bird do anything, but the other two call him boss."
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