Joke # 146 - Gift of Gab

The flower vendor was an old hand at unloading his last few bunches.

Appealing to a businessman on his way home, the vendor said, "How about a nice bunch of roses to surprise your wife?"

"Haven't got a wife," responded the businessman gruffly.

"Then how about some carnations for your girlfriend?" proposed the vendor without missing a beat.

"Haven't got a girlfriend."

"You lucky guy!" The vendor broke in a big smile.

"Buy both bunches to celebrate!"

Joke # 141 - The Single Guy

A man goes into a supermarket and buys a single bottle of Pepsi, a single serving bag of tortilla chips and a single serving frozen pizza. When he goes to the checkout line, the cute girl at the looks at him and asks, "Single, huh?"

The guy smiles and says, "Yeah, how'd you guess?"

"Because you're so ugly".