A man joined a big company as a trainee. On his first day he dialed the pantry and shouted to the phone, "Get me some coffee, quick!"
The voice from the other side responded, "You fool, you've dialed the wrong extension. Do you know who you're talking to?"
"No," replied the trainee.
"It's the managing director of the company, you fool!"
The man shouted back, "And do you know who YOU are talking to, you fool?"
"No," replied the director. "Good," said the trainee as he hung up.
Showing posts with label Employment. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Employment. Show all posts
Joke # 120 - FBI Agent for Hire
3 men were at the FBI building for a job interview.
The first man walked into the office. The interviewing FBI agent said, "To be in the FBI, you must be loyal, dedicated, and give us your all. Your wife is in the next room. I want you to go in there and shoot her with this gun." The man took the gun, hesitated and said, "Sorry, I can't do it."
The next interviewee came into the office. The agent said, "To be in the FBI, you must be loyal, dedicated, and give us your all. Your wife is in the next room. I want you to go in there and shoot her with this gun." The man took the gun, walked into the room, then walked out. "Sorry," he said.
The last man came into the office. The interviewer said, "To be in the FBI, you must be loyal, dedicated, and give us your all. Your wife is in the next room. I want you to go in there and shoot her with this gun." The man took the gun, and went into the room. The agent heard 6 shots, silence, then a lot of screaming.
The man came out of the room and said, "Someone loaded the gun with blanks, so I beat her to death with the curtain railing."
The first man walked into the office. The interviewing FBI agent said, "To be in the FBI, you must be loyal, dedicated, and give us your all. Your wife is in the next room. I want you to go in there and shoot her with this gun." The man took the gun, hesitated and said, "Sorry, I can't do it."
The next interviewee came into the office. The agent said, "To be in the FBI, you must be loyal, dedicated, and give us your all. Your wife is in the next room. I want you to go in there and shoot her with this gun." The man took the gun, walked into the room, then walked out. "Sorry," he said.
The last man came into the office. The interviewer said, "To be in the FBI, you must be loyal, dedicated, and give us your all. Your wife is in the next room. I want you to go in there and shoot her with this gun." The man took the gun, and went into the room. The agent heard 6 shots, silence, then a lot of screaming.
The man came out of the room and said, "Someone loaded the gun with blanks, so I beat her to death with the curtain railing."
Joke # 56 - Pitching a Temp
A soldier was asked to report to the headquarters for an assignment. The sargeant said, "We have a critical shortage of typists. I'll give you a little test. Type this," he ordered, giving him a pamphlet copy and a sheet of paper, and pointing across the room that held a typewriter and an adding machine.
The man, quite reluctant to become a clerk typist, made a point of typing very slowly, and saw to it that his work contained as many errors as possible.
The sargeant gave the typed copy only a brief glance.
"That's fine," he said, "Report for work at 8 tomorrow."
"But aren't you going to check the test?" the prospective clerk asked.
The sargeant grinned, "You passed the test, " he replied, "when you sat down at the typewriter instead of the adding machine."
The man, quite reluctant to become a clerk typist, made a point of typing very slowly, and saw to it that his work contained as many errors as possible.
The sargeant gave the typed copy only a brief glance.
"That's fine," he said, "Report for work at 8 tomorrow."
"But aren't you going to check the test?" the prospective clerk asked.
The sargeant grinned, "You passed the test, " he replied, "when you sat down at the typewriter instead of the adding machine."
Joke # 46 - Say What You Mean
Several weeks after a young man had been hired; he was called into the personnel director's office.
"What is the meaning of this?" the irate director asked. "When you applied for this job, you told us you had five years of experience. Now we discovered this is the first job you've ever held."
"Well," the young man replied, "in your advertisement you said you wanted somebody with imagination."
"What is the meaning of this?" the irate director asked. "When you applied for this job, you told us you had five years of experience. Now we discovered this is the first job you've ever held."
"Well," the young man replied, "in your advertisement you said you wanted somebody with imagination."
Joke # 44 - New Signalman
Tom is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad and is told to meet the inspector of the signal tower.
The inspector decides to give Tom a pop quiz asking, "what would you do if you realized that two trains were heading towards each other on the same track?"
Tom says, "I would switch one train to another track."
"What if the lever broke?" asks the inspector.
"Then I'd run down to the tracks and use the manual lever down there," answers Tom. "What if that had been struck by lightning?" challenges the inspector?
"Then," Tom continued, "I'd run back up here and use the phone to call the next signal box."
"What if the phone was busy?"
"In that case," Tom argued, "I'd run to the street level and use the public phone near the station."
"What if that had been vandalized?"
"Oh well," said Tom, "in that case I would run into town and get my Uncle Leo."
This puzzled the inspector, so he asked, "Why would you do that?"
"Because he's never seen a train crash."
The inspector decides to give Tom a pop quiz asking, "what would you do if you realized that two trains were heading towards each other on the same track?"
Tom says, "I would switch one train to another track."
"What if the lever broke?" asks the inspector.
"Then I'd run down to the tracks and use the manual lever down there," answers Tom. "What if that had been struck by lightning?" challenges the inspector?
"Then," Tom continued, "I'd run back up here and use the phone to call the next signal box."
"What if the phone was busy?"
"In that case," Tom argued, "I'd run to the street level and use the public phone near the station."
"What if that had been vandalized?"
"Oh well," said Tom, "in that case I would run into town and get my Uncle Leo."
This puzzled the inspector, so he asked, "Why would you do that?"
"Because he's never seen a train crash."
Joke # 27 - Job Fair
A jock and a geek were applying for the same job.
The boss said, "Boys, you need to take a test before you can get this job."
So they took the test and came back the next day to see who the boss choose. "Well," he said, "Both of you got the same score except I'm going to choose the geek."
The jock complained, "Don't you think that's prejudice or something?"
"Well," the boss said, "Let me tell you what happened. Both of your papers were right all the way through until the last question came up, and the geek answered 'I don't know,' and then when I looked at your paper, you answered, 'Me either'."
The boss said, "Boys, you need to take a test before you can get this job."
So they took the test and came back the next day to see who the boss choose. "Well," he said, "Both of you got the same score except I'm going to choose the geek."
The jock complained, "Don't you think that's prejudice or something?"
"Well," the boss said, "Let me tell you what happened. Both of your papers were right all the way through until the last question came up, and the geek answered 'I don't know,' and then when I looked at your paper, you answered, 'Me either'."
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