There was an engineer, manager and a programmer driving down a steep mountain road. The brakes failed and the car careened down the road out of control. Halfway down the driver managed to stop the car by running it against the embankment narrowly avoiding careening off the cliff. They all got out, shakened by their narrow escape from death, but otherwise unharmed.
The manager said, "To fix this problem we need to organize a committee, have meetings, a through process of exchanging ideas and develop a solution."
The engineer said, "No that would take too long. Besides the method never worked before. I have my trusted pen knife here and will take apart the brake system, isolate the problem and correct it."
The programmer said, "I think you're both wrong! I think we should all push the car back up the hill and see if it happens again."
Showing posts with label Office. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Office. Show all posts
Joke # 46 - Say What You Mean
Several weeks after a young man had been hired; he was called into the personnel director's office.
"What is the meaning of this?" the irate director asked. "When you applied for this job, you told us you had five years of experience. Now we discovered this is the first job you've ever held."
"Well," the young man replied, "in your advertisement you said you wanted somebody with imagination."
"What is the meaning of this?" the irate director asked. "When you applied for this job, you told us you had five years of experience. Now we discovered this is the first job you've ever held."
"Well," the young man replied, "in your advertisement you said you wanted somebody with imagination."
Joke # 42 - Interview Questions
An engineer, a physicist, and a lawyer were being interviewed for a position as chief executive officer of a large corporation.
The engineer interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questions, ending with "How much is two plus two?" The engineer excused himself, and made a series of measurements and calculations before returning to the boardroom and announcing, "Four."
The physicist was interviewed next, and asked the same questions. Before answering the last question, he excused himself, made for the library, and did a great deal of research. After a consultation with the United States Bureau of Standards and many calculations, he also announced, "Four."
The lawyer was interviewed last, and was asked the same questions. At the end of his interview, before answering the last question, he drew all the shades in the room, looked outside the door to see if anyone was there, checked the telephone for listening devices, and asked, "How much do you want it to be?"
The engineer interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questions, ending with "How much is two plus two?" The engineer excused himself, and made a series of measurements and calculations before returning to the boardroom and announcing, "Four."
The physicist was interviewed next, and asked the same questions. Before answering the last question, he excused himself, made for the library, and did a great deal of research. After a consultation with the United States Bureau of Standards and many calculations, he also announced, "Four."
The lawyer was interviewed last, and was asked the same questions. At the end of his interview, before answering the last question, he drew all the shades in the room, looked outside the door to see if anyone was there, checked the telephone for listening devices, and asked, "How much do you want it to be?"
Joke # 40 - Precocious Parrots
A man goes into a pet store looking for a parrot. Upon entering the store he sees a bird with a price tag of one thousand dollars. He asks the shopkeeper why this bird is so expensive and the owner replied that the bird could run a computer. Well, that IS a good deal if he can run a computer.
The guy looks around the store and sees another bird and the price tag on this one is two thousand dollars. The man asks the owner why this bird is so expensive. The owner replies that this bird is so expensive because the bird can not only run a computer but also fix a computer.
Well that is also a pretty good deal thought the man. Then the man sees a third bird that is priced at three thousand dollars. So he asks the owner why this bird is so expensive. Well, the owner replies, "I've never actually seen this bird do anything, but the other two call him boss."
The guy looks around the store and sees another bird and the price tag on this one is two thousand dollars. The man asks the owner why this bird is so expensive. The owner replies that this bird is so expensive because the bird can not only run a computer but also fix a computer.
Well that is also a pretty good deal thought the man. Then the man sees a third bird that is priced at three thousand dollars. So he asks the owner why this bird is so expensive. Well, the owner replies, "I've never actually seen this bird do anything, but the other two call him boss."
Joke # 16 - Suggestion Box
Joe and Frank were in the office and noticed that someone had put up a suggestion box with 3 X 5 cards next to it. Both decided that this was a great idea, and each took a card to fill out.
Joe wrote, "The office workers should all be given raises."
When he looked at Frank's card, it said, "Can we all have raises, and keys to executive washroom, and personal secretaries, and new company cars, and new coffee cups, and longer lunch breaks, and an extra three weeks vacation each year, and a holiday on St. Patrick's Day and Columbus Day and Martin Luther King's Birthday?"
Joe said, "Frank, this isn't the right way of getting things changed around here. You should not put all your begs in one ask-it."
Joe wrote, "The office workers should all be given raises."
When he looked at Frank's card, it said, "Can we all have raises, and keys to executive washroom, and personal secretaries, and new company cars, and new coffee cups, and longer lunch breaks, and an extra three weeks vacation each year, and a holiday on St. Patrick's Day and Columbus Day and Martin Luther King's Birthday?"
Joe said, "Frank, this isn't the right way of getting things changed around here. You should not put all your begs in one ask-it."
Joke # 13 - Managers and Engineers
A group of managers were given the assignment to measure the height of the flagpole. So they go out to the flagpole with ladders and tape measures, and they're falling off the ladders, dropping the tape measures - the whole thing is just a mess.
An engineer comes along and sees what they're trying to do, walks over, pulls the flagpole out of the ground, lay it flat, measures it from end to end, gives the measurement to one of the managers and walks away.
After the engineer is gone, one manager turns to another and laughs, "Isn't that just like an engineer? We're looking for the height and he gives us the length."
An engineer comes along and sees what they're trying to do, walks over, pulls the flagpole out of the ground, lay it flat, measures it from end to end, gives the measurement to one of the managers and walks away.
After the engineer is gone, one manager turns to another and laughs, "Isn't that just like an engineer? We're looking for the height and he gives us the length."
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