A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW.
"Officer, look at what they've done to my Beeeemer!" he whined.
"You lawyers are so materialistic. You make me sick!" retorted the officer. "You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that your arm was ripped off!"
"Oh my god ... ", replied the lawyer, finally noticing his bloody left shoulder where his arm once was. "Where's my Rolex?"
Showing posts with label Lawyer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Lawyer. Show all posts
Joke # 118 - Sharing
A Frenchman, an Englishman, an American man and a lawyer were sitting on a train.
The Frenchman offered everyone some of his baguette, then threw it out the window, saying, "Don't worry - we have plenty of those where I come from."
The Englishman offered everyone a crumpet, then threw the rest out of the window, saying, "Don't worry - we have plenty of those where I come from."
Then the American threw the lawyer out the window, saying ...
The Frenchman offered everyone some of his baguette, then threw it out the window, saying, "Don't worry - we have plenty of those where I come from."
The Englishman offered everyone a crumpet, then threw the rest out of the window, saying, "Don't worry - we have plenty of those where I come from."
Then the American threw the lawyer out the window, saying ...
Joke # 104 - Guess Who?
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity gets the better of him and he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he's doing.
"I'm sending out 1,000 love letters signed, 'Guess Who?'"
"But why?" asks the man.
"I'm a divorce lawyer."
"I'm sending out 1,000 love letters signed, 'Guess Who?'"
"But why?" asks the man.
"I'm a divorce lawyer."
Joke # 62 - Dead Lawyer
A man called his law firm and asked the receptionist if he could speak to his lawyer, Mr. Smith. She replied that she was sorry, but his lawyer was dead.
The next day, the man called again wanting to speak with Mr. Smith.
The receptionist again said that she was sorry, but he was dead.
The next day, the man rang again and asked if he could talk to his lawyer Mr. Smith.
The receptionist said she was sorry but she had already told him a hundred times that he was dead.
The man replied, "I know that, I just like hearing it."
The next day, the man called again wanting to speak with Mr. Smith.
The receptionist again said that she was sorry, but he was dead.
The next day, the man rang again and asked if he could talk to his lawyer Mr. Smith.
The receptionist said she was sorry but she had already told him a hundred times that he was dead.
The man replied, "I know that, I just like hearing it."
Joke # 42 - Interview Questions
An engineer, a physicist, and a lawyer were being interviewed for a position as chief executive officer of a large corporation.
The engineer interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questions, ending with "How much is two plus two?" The engineer excused himself, and made a series of measurements and calculations before returning to the boardroom and announcing, "Four."
The physicist was interviewed next, and asked the same questions. Before answering the last question, he excused himself, made for the library, and did a great deal of research. After a consultation with the United States Bureau of Standards and many calculations, he also announced, "Four."
The lawyer was interviewed last, and was asked the same questions. At the end of his interview, before answering the last question, he drew all the shades in the room, looked outside the door to see if anyone was there, checked the telephone for listening devices, and asked, "How much do you want it to be?"
The engineer interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questions, ending with "How much is two plus two?" The engineer excused himself, and made a series of measurements and calculations before returning to the boardroom and announcing, "Four."
The physicist was interviewed next, and asked the same questions. Before answering the last question, he excused himself, made for the library, and did a great deal of research. After a consultation with the United States Bureau of Standards and many calculations, he also announced, "Four."
The lawyer was interviewed last, and was asked the same questions. At the end of his interview, before answering the last question, he drew all the shades in the room, looked outside the door to see if anyone was there, checked the telephone for listening devices, and asked, "How much do you want it to be?"
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)